Skiing on the Grass

     I'm guessing if you saw conditions like this when you arrived at a field to cross-country ski, you would hang up your skis and walk instead.

But not me.  Oh no.  Over my life, I have routinely been called stubborn, dogged and even occasionally STUPID (though I prefer "determined" and "persistent", don't you?).  These qualities - or flaws as some might call them - have lead me many places I never would have reached without them (a hospice for pets??  what are you crazy?) and some others we don't need to mention here. Those of you who know me won't be at all surprised to know that I insisted on skiing today anyway.

     For those of you who aren't likely to take these chances, I offer

The Top 5 Lessons I Learned Skiing on Grass

1.  Not all gifts are in the sunshine.  It's easy to think the best things will be found in the light, but sometimes what you are really seeking is found only in the shadows where it waits for you, protected, perfect, and undisturbed.

Lessons from Hospice: Nurture the Soul

     Our work at New England Pet Hospice teaches us something new every day. I consider open-mindedness and open-heartedness the most critical character traits for all of our staff members, no matter what role they play in the organization.

     This work and what it teaches us is a gift; we must be open to receive it, open to learn from it, and open to share it.

Elderly and Special Needs - You Call that Hospice?

     At New England Pet Hospice, we care for elderly and special needs animals as well as those who have a terminal diagnosis.  This is one of the few areas we differ from the human hospice model.  In human hospice, the patient must be diagnosed with a terminal illness with less than 6 months to live (some hospices accept patients with a 12 month prognosis).

     Why the different standard?

     Because of euthanasia. It is widely accepted that the vast majority of pets in our country will be put to sleep (except for those who die of traumatic injury). This has a direct impact on our elderly and special needs animals in many ways, but especially in three ways:

    1.  Quality of Life.   The Quality of Life scales used to judge when a terminally ill animal is ready for euthanasia are equally applied to our animals who are elderly or have special needs. And all of our elderly and special needs animals will "fail" that test at some point (or points) in their life, almost always within a year and often within a few months.  While some families may have the knowledge and muster the strength to carry on without support, many - or perhaps even most - will not.

Allowing Our Animals to Teach Us the Value of Vulnerabiliy

     Dr. Brene Brown, a researcher professor at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work, has spent her career researching what makes us joyful and fulfilled - and what doesn't.  After listening to her TEDx talk about the power of vulnerability, I was inspired and knew I couldn't miss her session at the Massachusetts Conference for Women last week -- and she didn't disappoint.

     One of my key take-away points from both her TEDx talk and meeting her last week was this: Vulnerability matters; it is the only way to experience true joy.  Our ability to be vulnerable and tolerate vulnerability opens our heart to true joy, gives creativity life, and grants us courage.

     Sharing our lives with animals is a huge lesson in vulnerability.  We know from the outset that we will almost certainly outlive them.  That they will become sick, old, challenged and it will be us who must care for them and advocate for their welfare making excruciatingly difficult choices along the way.

An Ah-ha Moment

     I am lucky enough to share my home with 3 cats (and a dog, and a lot of fish, and a husband and a child):  Coby - regal, elegant, patient and kind; Snowball - goofy, silly, sweet, affectionate; and, Mayse - the Princess.  Actually, I take that back, the Queen (she would not be amused by any lesser title).

Teaching Moments

    Your companion animal is probably your child's best friend.  Whether they grew up together or one came first, there is no doubt of the special love between child and animal.  When the animal is ill or dying, it is tempting to keep the child away or sugarcoat the experience, but in doing so we miss a very big opportunity to teach our children about caring for those in need, healthy grieving, and recovering from a loss.

     We may be so overwhelmed with our own struggles, the physical demands of caring for an ill pet, the mental strain of making tough decisions and being well-informed, or our own grief that it is hard to think about this as a Teaching Moment for our children.

     Keep in mind that most things that happen as an animal is terminally ill or dying are not an emergency.  Yes, there is on-going often intensive care and there can be crisis moments, but most of the day to day progression of the illness or age happens slowly, or slow enough, for us to take a break and catch our breath.  Make sure you do this at least once a day.

The Beauty of the Unexpected

Last week, I was walking my dog in the woods.  The middle of nowhere.  Not a car or a house to be seen and we came upon this:


Someone had dragged decorations into the woods and magically transformed a small area into a wonderland - never knowing if anyone would see it and perhaps never expecting anyone would. There was no fanfare, no neon signs directing you to the display, no one selling tickets.  And for that very reason, it was incredibly beautiful and touching.

In our determination to control and plan the perfect this and the best that, we forget that the most important and beautiful things unfold without our doing anything and happen outside of our control.  We need only to be, to listen, to slow down enough to behold them.

Our companion animals bring us these moments every day.  In sickness and in health.  In the way they bury their faces in new fallen snow with such glee and complete abandon.  In the way they touch a paw to our arm as we lay suffering in bed.  In the way they look into our eyes, soul to soul, at the very hardest moments.

As you busy yourself with caring for your family and your companions, take care of the immediate needs and crises, run from one place to another, fret about this or that, be sure you open your heart and your eyes to the beauty of the unexpected.  It is there every day and even on the darkest days.  I promise.